Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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