just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
