all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
