My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
