i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
