Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize