just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
