we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
