That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
