The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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