I can text with my tongue
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
