but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
