This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
