I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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