i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
