It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
