Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
