I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
