I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
