How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Hippo gnu deer
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
