I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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