I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ok first of all what the fuck
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
