Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
