Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
