Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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