I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am naked and annoyed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
