am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
