if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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