Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
