Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
