Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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