Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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