i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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