Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
