I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize