I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
