Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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