I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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