i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
