Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
