It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
