i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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