Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
