addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize