I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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