Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
