I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize