My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
