and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
