Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
