he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
