Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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