Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Don't tell me you're on acid again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
