Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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