My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
