Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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