Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
