um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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