You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
