i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
