You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
