OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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