I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
birth control should be required to get into college
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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