My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
