I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize