i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
