Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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