Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
