so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
