I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
