just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
