South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
