Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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