ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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