Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
