Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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