I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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