you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This baby is an asshole
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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