i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
