She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
