My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She bit a glass in half.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
