Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
