Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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