Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
