i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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